Average Reviews:
(More customer reviews)
Im always on the look out for items that will enhance my face and endow me with powers above and beyond mere mortals. From day one I realised it had the ability to repel demons and evil spirits whether I am at home, in public, or just chillin in my crawlspace. For years they have been harrassing me but now they run in shame and fear.
Before my new face it seemed that Every time I set out to relax at home, which usually consisted of putting on my
best bacon shirt, puoring myself a large iced glass of urine and settling in for a very enthusiastic and loud night of watching euronatzis&mporn, there always seemed someone or something would be banging on my door! Now with my new face adornment I am able to answer the door, shout a few choice words or chants and the world trembles under my gaze and sheer force of will. Usually no one is there (or so they want me to think) but I can still smell their fear.
This facial optimizer also seems to protect me from having my soul ripped from my face which is an added bonus! With my soul shield in place my confidance has sky rocketted to immortal levels and has allowed me to confront all those who laugh at me. And oh! shipping was very reasonable although the postman appeared to be part of the Illuminati and recognized me as the universal key but i was able to think fast and morph into a rabbit therby rendering my soul invisible to him. Too bad I didnt have this wonderfull item before I had to answer the door but i suppose i would need to cross through time and harness anti-time before I could do that and I'm not uite to the tenth level of consciousness yet.anyway he left in a bit of snit but thats not really the sellers fault.
Pros:
Protects my soul from leaving my face
I always get both armrests in the movie theater
Ability to act with godlike impunity
repels demons (even the ones disguised as humans)
Cons:
Could use some sort of eye shield
Does not repel dolls (but if you remove the eyes they arent much of an issue)
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